What do you mean dressed like a slut! Does that mean she deserves to be raped?

If asked, "If you had a daughter and she was going out to a party with guys that were drinking, would you let her go dressed like a slut".  I would have to say my answer would a little different from the really good one that said, tell the boys not to take advantage of the girl.  I would have to say:

WHAT DOES A SLUT DRESS LIKE?

 Does dressing like this mean she is not a slut?

Are these two people sluts because of what they have on?

Can you really tell by someone’s clothing?  I have to tell you growing up I knew quite a few girls and guys that liked having sex, yes sex.  How they dressed had nothing to do with that at all.  Most of them wore jeans and tee shirts.  That is simply what we dressed like.  Just because a girl put on a dress or short skirt did not mean she was more likely to have sex with someone over a girl in jeans.  Nor did the guy wearing a tight shirt or no shirt mean he was going to be an easy lay.

When I was older, and able to go to clubs and bars how I dressed still had nothing to do with my choices of who to have or not have sex with.  I was called a slut many times, usually by other ladies, by the way, for my short skirt.  I was even attacked a few times by other "ladies" because the guy they liked found me attractive.  That did not mean I was a slut, it meant I looked good and was confident with how I looked.  And to be honest I usually had much more clothing on then most of the other people, I was very fond of thick black tights to go under my short skirt, not a fashion statement, they kept my thighs from chaffing and the kept me warm and I still felt good about how I looked.
  

Why should I keep my daughter from liking how she looks and feeling confident about herself just to make someone else happy?  Why should I try to force her to dress any differently then she wants.  Though if she tries to go out the door with two Band-Aids and a cork we are going to have a long talk with her about what is appropriate and not.  But if I have done my job right she would already understand that it is not okay to go flashing your bits where children and other people who may not want to see them are around.  Legally she can go without a top in public areas like parks and beaches; it is in our laws here.  If it is legal, I may not like it but it is her choice.

 NEXT, WHAT IS A SLUT? 

Can you find the slut?  

As far as I know not one of them is a slut!

Trust me clothing does not make someone a slut, having sex does.  Is a slut someone who has had sex, or is interested in having sex?  Then the clothing they have on does not really determine if they are interested in having sex or not.  Choosing to have sex does. 

If my daughter is old enough to be out drinking who she has sex with is not my responsibility, she is quite capable and old enough to choose who to have or not have sex with.  If she is not old enough to be out drinking, then we have a completely different problem! What the heck is she doing going out with older guys and drinking?  Sorry but if she is not old enough to drink she does not get to, and if I have my way she will never start drinking at all. 

But once she is old enough how she dresses does not change the fact that it is up to her who she has or does not have sex with, I don’t have anything to do with that.  I am not going to say, hey this guy is okay to have sex with but this one is not.  I am not the one having sex with the guy so it is not my choice.  Also just because she is a girl does not mean she does not have the right to have and enjoy lots of sex.  Heck, sex is fun.  When she is ready to be with one person that is up to her and that person, not me!  As long as she is smart about it and safe about it how many people she has sex with is again up to her.  Why should she not enjoy sex? 

What am I going to do, tell my son it is okay for him to enjoy sex, and tell her she should not?  Or worse should I try and keep my children from enjoying sex with someone they find attractive. Sex is not bad, sex is not evil, and it is okay to have sex.  Is it okay for my son to go out and have sex, but my daughter has to be a nun?  Why would it be okay for a guy to go out and have sex but not for her to do the very same thing? How come a guy can have sex with a girl and then call her a slut, what does that make the guy.  In my books he is a slut and an ass.

 HOW SHE IS DRESSED:

Even at 4 years old my one daughter was very confident in being able to dress herself and made her own choices about what she was going to wear.  At this point I can control what clothing she has available, if something does not fit (to tight, to short) I tell her it is not okay, it does not fit anymore.  If it is something that is not age appropriate I say no way in hell.  It is not her fault she looks much older then she is and that a lot of the clothing we can find in the stores that fit her are way too old for her.  She looks about 14 at 9 years of age and fits size medium ladies clothing.  So my objections about her clothing are about what is appropriate for children versus adults.  When she becomes an adult she can put whatever she wants on. 

DO I WANT MY DAUGHTER SAFE

Who is to blame? Point the finger at the right person!

Yes, always.  I want all my children safe, the boys and the girls.  And don’t think boys cannot be abused or raped, they can be victims too.  What my daughter is wearing or not wearing does not give someone the right to abuse her, take advantage of her, rape or kill her.  When it comes right down to it, what she wears is not going to keep her safe.  Her choices in life will help, who she hangs out with, where she hangs out with but even then if someone one wants to harm her or rape that is not under her control; that is the person choosing to do that.  The people who choose to rape, or take advantage of someone who is drunk are responsible for what they do, the clothing of the victim did not make them do anything. 

Women who have been covered from head to toe have been raped, so have old ladies and little children.  What clothing they had on did not “make” someone harm them.  Stop trying to make it about what the victim had on, or did not have on.  Don’t make it about pointing the finger at the girl because she became a victim; that just makes it okay for people to hurt and abuse her and other people.  After all it was her fault because she had on a red shirt, or a short skirt, or had make-up on.  The real person at fault was the person who made the choice to attack, rape or kill. 

My daughter needs to know that there are people who will try to take by force whatever they want.  She needs to take precautions mainly because of people who say, “how she dressed made her a slut asking to be raped” not, “hey that guy who attached her is responsible for his actions and should be punished for forcing himself on her!”  Until that happens it will never matter what she wears or does not wear, someone will point a finger at her trying to make it her fault.  She is too attractive, her hair is blond red brown, her hair is long, her lips are nice, she has nice feet, she just happened to park her car in the spot beside where the rapist was waiting, so of course it was all her fault. 

MY DAUGHTER AND OTHER GIRLS HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SAFE

Our children are being raised seeing sexuality being used to sell everything from coffee, cars, bras and even music.  How can we expect them to not value looking attractive and feeling attractive?  If it is okay for an ad selling skin lotion to have sexy dressed people why is it not okay for girls to dress the same way when going out?  If we can have pictures of young attractive ladies in bras and underwear on large posters in our malls to sell things how come the same girls would be called sluts?  What people wear does not give other people the right to harm them, emotionally or physically. 

BOYS VERSUS GIRLS

I am teaching my children that they have choices.  It is not okay to judge people by what they wear, how much money they have, their skin color, religion or sexual orientation.  Instead they need to judge people by what they do and say.  It is not okay to take advantage of someone.  Steeling is not okay, rape is not okay, being mean just because other people are, or you can is not okay.  It is funny how many people use a lot of ways to blame the victim such as how they looked, they should have known better, they were asking for it.  But they are also the first ones to stand up and say, hey you don’t have the right to do that to me, to treat me that way.  It is okay for you to do that to “them” but not me.   That is the real issue, the mixed up belief that it is okay to treat other people in a negative way for how they dress or what they believe but it is not okay to do that to me. 

My children know they are growing up in a world where they are going to have to fight and take a stand just to be who they are.  Someone is going to find acceptation to something, and will try to control  or force my children to fit into their idea of what is right and wrong.  I hope that my children are strong enough to take a stand for themselves and not become a sheep because it is easier.  It might make their lives more difficult but at least they can look themselves in the mirror knowing they did not let someone abuse them or someone else just because it was easier to let them or walk away.  You want your kids safe, stop making it the girls fault for how they dress, and more about the people who made the choice to take advantage of her.