What do you mean dressed like a slut! Does that mean she deserves to be raped?

If asked, "If you had a daughter and she was going out to a party with guys that were drinking, would you let her go dressed like a slut".  I would have to say my answer would a little different from the really good one that said, tell the boys not to take advantage of the girl.  I would have to say:

WHAT DOES A SLUT DRESS LIKE?

 Does dressing like this mean she is not a slut?

Are these two people sluts because of what they have on?

Can you really tell by someone’s clothing?  I have to tell you growing up I knew quite a few girls and guys that liked having sex, yes sex.  How they dressed had nothing to do with that at all.  Most of them wore jeans and tee shirts.  That is simply what we dressed like.  Just because a girl put on a dress or short skirt did not mean she was more likely to have sex with someone over a girl in jeans.  Nor did the guy wearing a tight shirt or no shirt mean he was going to be an easy lay.

When I was older, and able to go to clubs and bars how I dressed still had nothing to do with my choices of who to have or not have sex with.  I was called a slut many times, usually by other ladies, by the way, for my short skirt.  I was even attacked a few times by other "ladies" because the guy they liked found me attractive.  That did not mean I was a slut, it meant I looked good and was confident with how I looked.  And to be honest I usually had much more clothing on then most of the other people, I was very fond of thick black tights to go under my short skirt, not a fashion statement, they kept my thighs from chaffing and the kept me warm and I still felt good about how I looked.
  

Why should I keep my daughter from liking how she looks and feeling confident about herself just to make someone else happy?  Why should I try to force her to dress any differently then she wants.  Though if she tries to go out the door with two Band-Aids and a cork we are going to have a long talk with her about what is appropriate and not.  But if I have done my job right she would already understand that it is not okay to go flashing your bits where children and other people who may not want to see them are around.  Legally she can go without a top in public areas like parks and beaches; it is in our laws here.  If it is legal, I may not like it but it is her choice.

 NEXT, WHAT IS A SLUT? 

Can you find the slut?  

As far as I know not one of them is a slut!

Trust me clothing does not make someone a slut, having sex does.  Is a slut someone who has had sex, or is interested in having sex?  Then the clothing they have on does not really determine if they are interested in having sex or not.  Choosing to have sex does. 

If my daughter is old enough to be out drinking who she has sex with is not my responsibility, she is quite capable and old enough to choose who to have or not have sex with.  If she is not old enough to be out drinking, then we have a completely different problem! What the heck is she doing going out with older guys and drinking?  Sorry but if she is not old enough to drink she does not get to, and if I have my way she will never start drinking at all. 

But once she is old enough how she dresses does not change the fact that it is up to her who she has or does not have sex with, I don’t have anything to do with that.  I am not going to say, hey this guy is okay to have sex with but this one is not.  I am not the one having sex with the guy so it is not my choice.  Also just because she is a girl does not mean she does not have the right to have and enjoy lots of sex.  Heck, sex is fun.  When she is ready to be with one person that is up to her and that person, not me!  As long as she is smart about it and safe about it how many people she has sex with is again up to her.  Why should she not enjoy sex? 

What am I going to do, tell my son it is okay for him to enjoy sex, and tell her she should not?  Or worse should I try and keep my children from enjoying sex with someone they find attractive. Sex is not bad, sex is not evil, and it is okay to have sex.  Is it okay for my son to go out and have sex, but my daughter has to be a nun?  Why would it be okay for a guy to go out and have sex but not for her to do the very same thing? How come a guy can have sex with a girl and then call her a slut, what does that make the guy.  In my books he is a slut and an ass.

 HOW SHE IS DRESSED:

Even at 4 years old my one daughter was very confident in being able to dress herself and made her own choices about what she was going to wear.  At this point I can control what clothing she has available, if something does not fit (to tight, to short) I tell her it is not okay, it does not fit anymore.  If it is something that is not age appropriate I say no way in hell.  It is not her fault she looks much older then she is and that a lot of the clothing we can find in the stores that fit her are way too old for her.  She looks about 14 at 9 years of age and fits size medium ladies clothing.  So my objections about her clothing are about what is appropriate for children versus adults.  When she becomes an adult she can put whatever she wants on. 

DO I WANT MY DAUGHTER SAFE

Who is to blame? Point the finger at the right person!

Yes, always.  I want all my children safe, the boys and the girls.  And don’t think boys cannot be abused or raped, they can be victims too.  What my daughter is wearing or not wearing does not give someone the right to abuse her, take advantage of her, rape or kill her.  When it comes right down to it, what she wears is not going to keep her safe.  Her choices in life will help, who she hangs out with, where she hangs out with but even then if someone one wants to harm her or rape that is not under her control; that is the person choosing to do that.  The people who choose to rape, or take advantage of someone who is drunk are responsible for what they do, the clothing of the victim did not make them do anything. 

Women who have been covered from head to toe have been raped, so have old ladies and little children.  What clothing they had on did not “make” someone harm them.  Stop trying to make it about what the victim had on, or did not have on.  Don’t make it about pointing the finger at the girl because she became a victim; that just makes it okay for people to hurt and abuse her and other people.  After all it was her fault because she had on a red shirt, or a short skirt, or had make-up on.  The real person at fault was the person who made the choice to attack, rape or kill. 

My daughter needs to know that there are people who will try to take by force whatever they want.  She needs to take precautions mainly because of people who say, “how she dressed made her a slut asking to be raped” not, “hey that guy who attached her is responsible for his actions and should be punished for forcing himself on her!”  Until that happens it will never matter what she wears or does not wear, someone will point a finger at her trying to make it her fault.  She is too attractive, her hair is blond red brown, her hair is long, her lips are nice, she has nice feet, she just happened to park her car in the spot beside where the rapist was waiting, so of course it was all her fault. 

MY DAUGHTER AND OTHER GIRLS HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SAFE

Our children are being raised seeing sexuality being used to sell everything from coffee, cars, bras and even music.  How can we expect them to not value looking attractive and feeling attractive?  If it is okay for an ad selling skin lotion to have sexy dressed people why is it not okay for girls to dress the same way when going out?  If we can have pictures of young attractive ladies in bras and underwear on large posters in our malls to sell things how come the same girls would be called sluts?  What people wear does not give other people the right to harm them, emotionally or physically. 

BOYS VERSUS GIRLS

I am teaching my children that they have choices.  It is not okay to judge people by what they wear, how much money they have, their skin color, religion or sexual orientation.  Instead they need to judge people by what they do and say.  It is not okay to take advantage of someone.  Steeling is not okay, rape is not okay, being mean just because other people are, or you can is not okay.  It is funny how many people use a lot of ways to blame the victim such as how they looked, they should have known better, they were asking for it.  But they are also the first ones to stand up and say, hey you don’t have the right to do that to me, to treat me that way.  It is okay for you to do that to “them” but not me.   That is the real issue, the mixed up belief that it is okay to treat other people in a negative way for how they dress or what they believe but it is not okay to do that to me. 

My children know they are growing up in a world where they are going to have to fight and take a stand just to be who they are.  Someone is going to find acceptation to something, and will try to control  or force my children to fit into their idea of what is right and wrong.  I hope that my children are strong enough to take a stand for themselves and not become a sheep because it is easier.  It might make their lives more difficult but at least they can look themselves in the mirror knowing they did not let someone abuse them or someone else just because it was easier to let them or walk away.  You want your kids safe, stop making it the girls fault for how they dress, and more about the people who made the choice to take advantage of her.  

Food stamp cutback means not so Merry Christmas

Over the last few years it has been a struggle to have a good Christmas.  Every year there seems to be less and less money, and everything costs more and more.  However difficult the last few years were for us it is nothing compared to what thousands of families in the US are going through this year.  When you have to choose between being able to feed your child and giving them a special toy food is going to win.  So there are going to be even more children than ever needing a Christmas hamper with food and gifts, and fewer than ever people donating. 

It is not greed that is keeping people from donating, but simply lack of funds.  Most people like being able to do something special, like donating a food item or toy around Christmas.  After all giving is the reason for the season, and it is better to give then to get at times.  When you have to cut back often giving to others is the first thing to go.  How can you justify giving to others if you have to take it out of your own kids mouths.  It is hard to give away food if it means your child goes hungry.  It is hard to buy a gift to donate when you are struggling to buy something for your own kids.

 

That does not mean there are not people out there who could donate.  Many people do, but even they have their limits.  So donations are going to be less, simply because fewer people are donating and donations are smaller.  But even if donations were the same as they were 5 years ago it would still not meet the need this year.  The demand has gone way up all thanks to the food stamp cut back.  It may not seem like a lot of money to take away from a family, but the reality of it is the people were barely surviving with the food stamps already.  That cut back is equal to no milk for the month, or no meat. 

What are these people supposed to live on?  What are they eating?  Oh, and forget it stimulating the economy because they have to work now, or spend real money.  First they don’t have the money to spend.  Second many of them do have paying jobs or are looking for a job, or have the unpaid job of taking care of their children.  What is going to happen is an increase in crime as people struggle to feed their children and give them gifts for Christmas.  When you are hungry or see your children crying in hunger theft becomes an option, an unwanted option but a real option.  So I feel real sadness and anger for the families in the US who have had their food stamps cut back.  I hope they will find a way to survive this and still give their children a good Christmas

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As for my family, yes it is going to be tight but I have told my children they should be grateful for what we have, what they receive and the fact that we live in Canada.

I am not taking a political stand on this. I am taking a humanitarian stand.  The war on poverty should not be a war on the poor.  It should be about fixing the problems.  I don’t understand how anyone can justify paying someone $2.50 an hour and expect them to live off the tips they may or may not receive.  How can large companies pay their employees so little that they are so below the poverty line they need food stamps?  It is difficult for me to understand why the US would do this to its poor.  

Children going hungry is no joke.

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Do you think there is humor in this picture and its caption?  If you do then go tell the joke to Hamzah Khan, Daniel Pelka and Jeffrey Baldwin.

This picture was going around Facebook with comments and captions as if it was funny.  The picture upset me because I know for some kids this is exactly how they live their lives, wondering if they are going to have enough to eat or is mommy going to have a new dress, shoes and dinner out with friends again.  There are too many children at my children’s school that are lucky if they have a jam sandwich for lunch.  The school brings snacks around to the classes because there are many children who simply don’t have food, or very little.  Too many times parents have talked about all the cool stuff they bought themselves on the 20^th, but their kids shoes don’t fit, their clothing don’t fit and they don’t get enough to eat.  Why because their parent or parents put themselves first.

 I remember one Mom who was telling people about what she feeds her child.  All she ever gave the kid was macaroni and cheese from the box.  She would boil the noodles, drain and put the cheese mix in and stir.  No milk or butter, nothing but the noodles, powder and whatever water was still on the noodles.  The child was in daycare.  The daycare noticed that the child would eat everything it could get its hands on, why because it was literally starving.  However the mom was always showing off her new shoes, jewellery, clothing, makeup, or talking about where she went out for dinner, ordered in.  She liked to eat pizza, stake and other things and did not bother to buy enough for her child.  The kid could eat mac and cheese and watch her eat steak.

Another family simply did not feed the kids.  They would get to eat if their mom was there.  The mom would go to work, her girlfriend would kick the kids out of the house.  The three girls were not allowed back into the house until the mom came home.  So they were outside, rain or shine all day, no food.  They were not even allowed in to go bathroom.  We started buying lots of hotdogs and spent most of the summer feeding the three girls at lunch once we found out what was going on.  One night the family moved out.  Suddenly they were gone.  Some of the girls toys were still in our back yard.  Turns out someone reported them for abuse and instead of feeding the kids and caring for them they decided to move.  We were just about to report them ourselves because we had finally got confirmation that the girls were locked out and not being fed. 

Child hunger is real.  For some it is simply because there is not enough money to buy a lot of food.  But for many the truth is, mom did spend the money on club clothing instead of food for the kid.  There are children going hungry every single day, and it is abuse.  So for all the people who found the above image funny here are three pictures with links that prove it is not funny.  Three children starved to death.  I did a quick Google search and these were the first three I saw.  I am sure there are many many more but I could not stomach looking at anymore children starved to death but their family.   So look into the faces of these three children and tell me that the above photo is still funny too you.  Stop abuse, report abuse, and notice which kids are going hungry. 

Meet Hamzah Khan his mom starved him to death, watched him died and ordered pizza.  Four-year-old'smummified body was resting next to teddy bear in his mother's house whendiscovered by police in Bradford. 

Meet Daniel Pelka.  He was starved and beaten for months by his so called mother and her boyfriend before he died in March 2012. Starved boy Daniel Pelka 'invisible' to professionals

Meet Jeffrey Baldwin. Jeffrey Baldwin was placed in the care of the grandparent who starved him to death.  Jeffrey was locked in his room, forced to mop up his own urine and feces and so severely starved that at the end of his life he couldn't lift his own head.    Boy starved to death wanted to be Superman, inquest hears.

So the next time you see a something about a child going without food think about these three boys before you laugh.  If you think a child is in need of help, or that a caregiver is not taking care of a child report it.  Maybe you could save a life, instead of having a laugh.  Child abuse is real.  Children going hungry is real.  Don't accept it, don't turn a blind eye, and really look at the children around you and see if there is a Jeffrey, Daniel or Hamzah you could save!

Children are not sex partners

I am sick and disgusted by humanity. No not everyone, or an individual but actual humanity. Why because for some sick reason people still think it is ok to have sex with children, even killing them for their sexual pleasure. I was angry about the baby that was raped and killed by the damage and now there have been news stories of an 8 year old and a 13year old girl who was “married” and then died because of the damage done by her husband having sex with her. And these are just the stories that made it into the news. Why are there not huge protests over this? How come people will rise to arms over same sex marriage but not little girls being forced to marry? Why don’t I see the people protesting the rape of children, or the marriage of little girls.

What about the people, the girls family, that was just fine with letting this man marring her and using her for sex! They let it happen, they thought it was acceptable. And so did the people who went to the wedding, the law and religious leaders were okay with it as well. It is not just the man who did it, but the people who think letting adult men have child brides is perfectly normal. That is what we are fighting against, not just the person who raped and killed the girl but all the people who let it happen, knowing she was to be used for his sexual pleasure. Children should be children playing and enjoying life, not sex objects or sex partners.

Oh and don’t think this crap only happens in other countries, by other people. The baby that was raped, it was in the USA. There have been child brides in every country, in every religion because it is not a cultural or religious issue, no it is the fact little girls are being used for sex because someone wants to and they will find a way. How many “cults” have child brides? How many legal marriages to children happen around the world? Why do so many people visit Taiwan, Amsterdam and other countries where they can have sex with children – child prostitution is a huge industry. 105 kids were rescued from a child prostitution ring in the US this year.  Why is it that many children are raped in their own homes by family or friends of the family? I am also sick of people calling it sexual abuse instead of rape. It is rape and it is abuse. 

So for all those people who are willing to make a stink over same sex marriage or a million other things I want to see you making a stink over this. I want to see you marching in protest, holding signs the show you believe that sex with children (even if the guy is married to the child) is morally, biologically and emotionally wrong, heck I would be holding a sign right beside you. 

But wait, I forgot, some of the very people holding up signs against just about everything are the same people trying to get the age of consent lowered.  Apparently it is not okay for consenting adults to be in a relationship, but it is perfectly fine for some guy to marry a child.  A child that is not  legally able to give consent, nor would they want to give consent if they understood what was going to happen to them.  So it is the adults in their lives, the ones who are supposed to protect them that are handing them over to a pedophile.  In some places it is legal to have sex with 12 year olds, and people are trying to get that lower! What is wrong with people!